Thursday, December 11, 2008

Franklin Delano Frazier

Frank D Frazier
Originally uploaded by kristinafh
This is my dad. My very YOUNG dad - like when he was maybe 20 or 21. It's an interesting photograph for a couple of reasons.

First, it was taken on the porch area of an apartment building in Fort Wayne which no longer exists (808 Clay Street). I think next time I'm in town, I'll want to look down Clay and see if I can capture the same scene (and showing how instead of a building - there's just a parking lot there).

Second, my dad is dressed in something other than jeans and a t-shirt. Now mind you - I've got lots to say about what he's wearing. I question the coordination of the colors and I wonder if high-waters were "in" back then or if it was just a case of him wearing what was handed down to him. I'm thinking the latter is the case.

How come?

Straight Creek, Kentucky. Lived in a five room little shack. Ten kids. Coal miner father. Mom who grew most of their food in the hills of KY. So yes, hand me downs - that was probably the case here.

I think he looks incredibly handsome. Not like in a Brad Pitt way though. It's hard to explain. When I look at this picture - his smile reminds me of how charming he could be. When my dad was sober and around, he was a really neat person. So - this picture - I think - it's like a snapshot of a good memory of him...

So....switching gears a bit....

My relationship with my dad has been non-existent for about 16 years now.

WOW! I didn't realize it was that long until I typed it out.

Generally, I am the type of person not to hold grudges and so if any one of my friends told me that they didn't have a relationship with their father, I would probably encourage them to stop that nonsense and reach out to them asap. After all, life is incredibly short and so many people end up regretting so much after it's way too late.

My situation is a little different.

My dad is remarried and his wife has a strong hatred for me. He won't go against her wishes and thus we are where we are today.

Over time, I have learned to compartmentalize the fact that there is a lack of a relationship but unfortunately, twice a year (Father's Day and Christmas), it sneaks up on me and the old wounds rear their ugly head.

Christmas - well - that's his birthday. And you know - that's just right around the corner...


ScLoHo (Scott Howard) said...

Okay, young lady.... Don't live a life of regret. Reach out to him, send a card, something.

Coming from the perspective of someone who's parents are no longer living, I know that peace that comes from restored relationships that can only occur when he is still around.

Coming from a parent's perspective, I worked hard to get one of my kids and their mom (my ex-wife) back to talking after 2 years.

Even if nothing becomes of it, you'll know you reached out.

ida said...

at least send him a card. i still send out cards to my entire family that dont speak to me. they havent told me the reason why so it is a hard thing to do. but, it is the right thing to do. i dont care if they rip it up. now, my parents are dead too. they passed away in 97 and 99. i still have regrets of things unspoken........sigh... dont be me and have regrets.